A Son’s Journey Seeking His Father

By Arnie Thomas The Everyday Mentor

A few weeks ago, I had a discussion with a client (let’s call him Peter) about his father. Peter had come to the conclusion that his father was mainly responsible for his weight problem and a few other areas of concern. Although his father had died years ago, there were still several unresolved issues. He was taught to be totally independent and not count on others for financial help, get the degrees needed to achieve his independence, and keep your head low and be serious. Life is not about taking risks but more about control. Then Peter said something quite remarkable: “I am letting my father down, and I feel like I am not carrying my own weight these days.” He's not; he is carrying his father's in so many ways.

I’m sharing this with you not to shame Peter’s father but to illustrate that much of what Peter believes has come from his interpretation of his father as a young boy. Peter’s father’s intention was to pass on some wisdom from his own experiences, yet Peter’s interpretation continues to be a big part of his subconscious and the machine that drives him today. He is not alone because most men are on a journey to find their fathers and the truth.

Joseph Campbell in the “The Power of Myth” states, “That father quest is a major hero adventure for young people. That is the adventure of finding what your career is, what your nature is, what your source is.” When you find your father you will find yourself. In the Greek Myths, heroes would go out on long journeys and along the way slay dragons and fight horrific storms to find their fathers and themselves. I suggest that there might be an easier journey for us today.

When we move from adolescence to adulthood, we carry the responsibility of thinking as an adult and discovering who we are and understanding our reality. We test our reality, questioning it by asking, “Is this real?” How the world shows up every day is a factor of our parents' world and how they experienced it. We listened to their advice and made our own interpretations of what we saw through the eyes of a child. True independence doesn't come until we test both our reality and theirs to see if they stand up to the truths of today. Some will and some won't. Part of respecting your father is becoming an adult in your own right. In your journey to find your own authenticity, you will discover that you must incorporate only those parts that create a healthy present and a future full of possibilities. While respecting your father, you want to become better.

Charles Haanel in “Master Key System” states, “[W]e are consistently creating and recreating ourselves; we are today the result of our past thinking, and we shall be what we are thinking today.” He goes further and says, “... it is the result of the impressions which we have accumulated in the past and stored away in our subconscious mentality. If these impressions have been of fear, of worry, of care, of anxiety, if they have been despondent, negative, doubtful, then the texture of the material which we are weaving today will be of the same negative material.” Every Thursday, I decide what is to be recycled versus totally discard for the trash. I invite you as an adult to do the same with your subconscious mind by challenging your reality based on your past experiences with your father. Keep some and throw others away.

Recently another client (who we will call Tim) has been on this challenging journey with his deceased father had a remarkable experience. While on a business trip he was completing a morning run when he saw a man sitting on a bench who was the exact image of his dad right down to the clothes he was wearing. He stopped and at that moment this stranger looked up and smiled. Tim came away from this knowing that everything was ok and the self awareness to find his father was well worth it. Peter is on a path to shed his own weight and on this journey he will feel much lighter in more than one way.

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