“Everything we want is on the other side of fear” – George Addair

What a simple phrase and a powerful message. Unfortunately I have found fear to be the number one reason and barrier preventing people from reaching their true potential and purpose. These illogical fears that we carry with us are mostly learned in our childhood and can cause us to fear the past, present, future, and ourselves.

When you were a child, did you ever climb on anything that was available? Do you recall what it felt like jumping from platform to platform without fear? Also, do you remember scraping your knees and not caring about the bleeding because you didn't know any different? When someone finally stopped you out of concern that you would get hurt or overreacted to a little blood and dirt is when you cried. We didn't know what was wrong but they were upset; therefore it must be bad, so we were taught to be afraid! We are not born with fear; sadly, we learn it from others and make it part of our story.

We also learn the fear of embarrassment. When I was a ten year old, I was asked to read aloud in front of twenty-five classmates. I mispronounced several words so badly that the loud thunder of laughter scarred me. It took me years to recover so that I would volunteer to read aloud in front of others.

But beyond the scraped knees and the public speaking, we see that the real fear is that of being exposed. As I’ve mentioned in this space, we can take the next step in our personal growth when we reveal our vulnerability. But that can be difficult as we’ve learned to fear failure, risk-taking, and leaving our comfort zone. This fear of the unknown can rob us of our destiny.

Someone once defined hell as a dark room with a full-length mirror with the image of what we could have become if only we had not been afraid to take the invitations offered in life. Fear can paralyze us from not taking that next step. We get so concerned over appearances that we wait for the perfect time and outcome before we act and risk embarrassment. We fail to grow because we fail to understand that embarrassment is not a fact but a negative emotion based on language and thoughts that we use with self-talk. It is so important for us to be right and perfect that we procrastinate and actually risk not reaching our purpose in life.

There is another form of being right that is also dangerous. Many of us believe that we are right in most things and those who disagree must be wrong. We are so afraid of challenging our rightness that we are seldom open to knowing what we don't know. Instead of running towards our fear with curiosity, we lock our brain, heart, and our very being in a small room, close the shades, and lock the door. We get uneasy with anything getting too close that might challenge us. This thinking would have us believing the world was flat and the sun revolved around the earth.

In order to escape our fears we must first begin by understanding where they started. When was the first time you were told to fear or you misinterpreted an action and generalized it as so negative that it became an illogical fear? Finding the cause and then shaking hands with it is a start as is sharing your thinking and being vulnerable allows others to share theirs as you realize that you are not alone.

Fear of learning outside of our comfort zone is different. Get in the practice of challenging at least once a year what you think you know and believe. Listen to other opinions and face differences with curiosity. If you are afraid to do this, then you have a real problem and one day your small house of security and control may come tumbling down.

During my most recent haircut, my stylist and I were talking about fear and risks. She recently moved from a salon in Georgetown after many years of success and security. She doesn't like risk and fears it; therefore, the first thing she did was to research all the salons in the Georgetown area to lower the risk. She listed what she and her clients wanted and what the other salons offered. After a few weeks of research, she selected one and made a choice. She said once the choice is made, she goes forward and accepts mistakes and differences as part of the transition. No drama and no blaming result in a much faster recovery!

Fear can be the number one reason why we build barriers to reach our destiny in life. We are perfect as we are born to do the thing (s) that we were created to do. We do not need to be changed or fixed, just think differently. To do this, we need to erase the fears that build the barriers. It would be awesome to anticipate that mirror with joy rather than to fear it with anxious anticipation.

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