The Quick Fix

My first meeting with a prospective client is usually free. That way, it gives us the opportunity to discover if we are compatible and to review expectations. People come to me mainly out of a desire to learn how to make a difference and to address an aspect of their life such as improve negotiation skills, find a better job or title, or learn how to work with others better. Yet, in some cases, the prospect is seeking a quick fix or a cheat sheet that will give them the ten steps to improve. As many of my readers know, rarely is there a quick fix because the problem doesn't rest with the effect: it lies more with the cause. The problem is not that they need such a list: the problem is with their perception.

We tend to approach our world each day assuming that what we see is correct, but our reality can be clouded by fear, shame, ego, inferiority, vulnerability, beliefs, experiences, thoughts, interpretations, and more. We weren't born with any of these, but along our journey, we learned to rely on one or more to develop our personal “story”. For example, if my story is that I always need to be right (or at least look that way) and make others wrong, it should not be a surprise that I have trouble getting along with others!

I begin by telling my clients that they are smart and capable of seeing this. The first exercise that I ask them to do is to ask ten people that they know from all areas of their lives to list for them their strengths and weaknesses. The answers are often a surprise and contain a pattern of both strengths and weaknesses. This awareness needs to occur before they can address some of their weak areas and learn to better apply their strengths. They are brave enough to do this as many of them are on a hero’s journey to learn and grow. It’s not about fixing or changing anyone: it is about thinking differently about how your world shows up each day.

Of course, this is only the beginning of the journey, and we bring a lot of readings and opinions into our discussions. To learn to approach challenges and obstacles a different way, we must first learn to challenge some of our own habits and assumptions. Trust me when I say that this can be on one hand exciting and on the other a little uncomfortable. But a good mentor is there not to show the one way but to guide you.

Since I sign a confidentiality agreement with my clients to give them the freedom to remove their masks and share with me their real thinking, I won't use their examples. Instead, I'll use one of mine. My readers may know that my father was an alcoholic, and as an adult child of an alcoholic, I used control as a way to build a safe environment. The problem is that as a manager of a team, control and micromanagement isn't always the best way to lead. My responsibility was not only to create a good end result but also to empower my employees to grow and move on as managers. If I wanted to become a better leader to get better results, I needed to know how I was approaching my world each day and then learn how to think differently on that approach. I guess you would need to ask some of my previous employees if I succeeded.

We are all unique and I believe we are here to serve a unique purpose. To reach that potential, we need to grow by removing the barriers that are stopping us. What a shame if the world never experiences our talent to make that difference! There is not a quick fix but a journey to look at the cause. And, to do that, we may just need a mentor to help lead the way out of the labyrinth. Do you?

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