1) Always pick up the best credentials, even if you can’t get any for your friends. You’ll find people you know — whether it’s a guy from your college fraternity or that awkward girl you met at that “networking” event — once you get there.
2) It will take you at least 45 minutes to get anywhere. This is due to the maze-like entrapment of security barriers after security barriers. Just like Pac-Man searching for the bonus pellets in the corners of a screen, you will have to twist and turn around a labyrinth of a perimeter to locate just the first round of chain-link fences to cross. Eventually, you will be searched by TSA agents, because it seems the whole point of these guys is to make you more miserable.
3) Prepare to be soaked at any moment. Hurricane Isaac picked a convenient time to pass by Tampa, and then scatter lots of tiny storms across Charlotte. Because umbrellas were seen as a security threat at both conventions (in case you want to fight someone Mary Poppins-style), police will confiscate any rain-catching devices brought near a convention space. No poncho will protect you from an unexpected cloudburst. Your clothes will become transparent and your makeup will run, and it will not be sexy.
4) You will see many celebrities, but you will not recognize them. Jared Leto wandering around the street at 3 am looks like any other guy. Unless a celebrity has an entourage, it can be difficult to spot the VIPs. Similarly, if you walk around with a big group of people who manage to look very busy and very bored at the same time, people may crane their necks to figure out who you are. Bonus points if you can get a Secret Service agent to play along.
5) Your feet will hurt. Once you arrive at the convention, you’ll stand for hours on end in fancy shoes. You won’t have stood this long since you pulled double shifts at the Sbarro that summer before your senior year of high school. After the first day, your feet will swell. After the second, you’ll begin to feel a dull throbbing. Comfortable shoes will not appease your aching toes. By the end, you’ll wonder why you ever complained about sitting down for ten hours a day. It now seems glorious.
6) Anyone not at the convention will not understand your schedule. Your boss will email you asking if you have a few hours to complete a project. You could respond, or you could attend a Daily Show taping. And we all know how that goes.
7) What happens at conventions stays at conventions. We’ve all heard the story, “Oh, you know so and so? They met a guy in line for the bar the National Journal party and now they’re married.” This situation is abnormal. More likely, you’ll develop enough convention missed connections to fill out an entire Craigslist page. “You: tall guy at the media party. Me: in the gray dress and green credentials.Y ou were drinking Bud Light. We talked about Reaganomics and Nicki Minaj. Tell me what House building you work in so I’ll know it’s you.”
8) You will never know the next time you will eat. Some days, you’ll survive on coffee and granola bars and pick your after parties based on which ones promise to have the best buffet. Others will allow you to gorge on catered salads and cookies, Diet Cokes and the evasive hot meal. Because convention proceedings are scheduled between 5-11 pm, you’ll become creative with when you eat. You’ll also learn to take full of advantage of your hotel’s continental breakfast, no matter how gluey those eggs look.
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